


for the very last time

by Setting_Out_Stars



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Angst, Fist Fights, M/M, Violence, Vulcan Culture, Vulcan Lee Taeyong, Vulcan Mark Lee (NCT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27882613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setting_Out_Stars/pseuds/Setting_Out_Stars
Summary: Emotions are illogical but that doesn't mean that Mark cannot feel them, doesn't have them. Emotions are illogical but that doesn't mean that Mark has never loved Taeyong, doesn't love him still.As he watches Taeyong walk away from him for good, leaving him behind in the dirt, Mark can't help but fear that he's made the single greatest mistake of his life.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	for the very last time

**Author's Note:**

> I told myself I wouldn't post this on here but I was craving angst (and validation lol) so here we are. This is the pimped up version of a twitter drabble I wrote a while back.
> 
> Rated M for violence. I'm not sure how graphic it is but, better safe than sorry. Also, Taeyong is beating the shit out of Mark. It's Vulcan tradition. It can't be helped. Read the end notes if you'd like to know more before reading the fic. Please.
> 
>  _kal-if-fee_ is a part of Star Trek canon but I did also take creative liberties with this for the sake of angst so, uh, yeah. Finally, it's 2 am my kind people, so please forgive the mistakes you may find.

Taeyong is ruthless with the punishment he dishes out even when Mark isn’t trying to fend off his brutal attacks. He doesn’t pull his punches at all, shows no mercy despite Mark refusing to fight back.

Mark never expected him to but he can’t pretend that it doesn’t _hurt_ ; can’t pretend that his heart doesn’t fracture a little more every time Taeyong strikes, focused only on besting Mark, fist coming down hard against his cheek until Mark can taste the sharp tang of blood in his mouth.

Mark stumbles, the pain making his vision blur. He doubles over, sucks in a shuddering breath and spits green onto the dirt with a wince. Mark refused to pick up a _Lirpa_ and Taeyong didn't either to make it a fair fight, but Mark can't tell if this – a fist fight – is any better.

Mark endures what he has to in silence, does nothing when Taeyong grabs onto his hair and yanks his head up forcefully, his knuckles splitting the delicate skin beside Mark’s eye as he hits him again.

It _hurts_ – everything does – and Mark has never loathed their customs and traditions more than he does at this very moment; cowering in the face of Taeyong’s fury, forced to bear witness to his agony. It’s his fault, he _knows_ , and despite regretting the choices he made that led him here, despite wishing he could have done things differently because he never wanted to hurt Taeyong, not like this, _not ever_ , Mark is rather relieved this is finally happening.

If Mark wasn’t so afraid of seeing the disappointment and betrayal reflected in Taeyong’s expressive eyes he wouldn’t have done things this way. If only Mark was a better person – if only he were _brave_ enough – he would have explained himself to Taeyong and let him know how he felt. He would have looked into Taeyong’s eyes and would have selfishly asked Taeyong to let him go.

But Mark can admit to himself that he is a coward; he took the easy way out knowing that Taeyong would never go as far as custom dictated. As he stumbles again and falls to his knees, Mark accepts the pain that Taeyong inflicts on him. Accepts that it’s better, infinitely so, than having to bear the guilt of breaking Taeyong with his words.

“Are you ready to give up yet?” Taeyong asks as he crouches down, their noses almost brushing, breath warm against Mark's face. He curls his fingers tight around Mark’s neck, hands trembling with rage. Taeyong’s face is impassive but with him this close Mark can see the anguish reflected in his dark eyes. Can’t fault Taeyong when he presses harder, makes it difficult for Mark to breathe.

Mark doesn’t blame Taeyong for fighting, for hurting him even. Not when Mark was the one who claimed _kal-if-fee_. Not when he was the one that brought this upon himself.

“Why are you doing this?” Taeyong asks, _pleads_ , his voice cracking. “Why are you making me do this?”

He drops to his knees in front of Mark, loosens his grip just enough so that he isn't restricting Mark's airway anymore but he doesn’t let go. He can’t. Not with their families here to bear witness.

Taeyong is meant to fight Mark to the death. He _has_ to fight or he has to let Mark go; he either kills him or he sets him free. There is no other alternative.

If Taeyong doesn’t fight then he risks losing Mark forever. Which is something Mark knows Taeyong doesn’t want but it is the only thing that Mark wishes for because Mark never wanted to be bound – not to his soulmate, not to anyone. He never asked for that choice to be made for him and he wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ , go through with it.

Which is exactly why Mark faces the consequences of his actions without complaint, he _endures_ , lets Taeyong bruise him and hurt him. If this is the only way for him to be free – if pain and a split lip and spilled blood is the price he has to pay for his freedom then so be it.

"I-I," Mark chokes out, his heart heavy. "I want to be free."

Taeyong frowns at him, his expression visibly falling and down on his knees, almost broken in mind and spirit, Mark finally allows himself to cry. He grasps weakly at Taeyong's wrists even as he struggles to bite back the apology on the tip of his tongue. This was not what he wanted. He never wanted to hurt Taeyong.

Mark splutters, tugs at Taeyong's wrists, cries harder. "I do not wish to be tied down."

"Is that what being with me means to you?" Taeyong lets go of Mark as though burned, shows emotion but not for the first time today and Mark wishes he were angry instead. Taeyong's fury he could deal with, that he could bear. Seeing Taeyong's pain so clearly reflected on his handsome features however hurts Mark more than his own physical wounds do.

Emotions are illogical but that doesn't mean that Mark cannot feel them, doesn't have them. Emotions are illogical but that doesn't mean that Mark has never loved Taeyong, doesn't love him still.

Mark had thought he was doing the right thing, was willing to put up with whatever he had to for the sake of his freedom. But suddenly he's not so sure anymore because what he failed to consider, what he should have realised sooner, _what hurts the most_ , is knowing that his freedom comes at the cost of losing Taeyong forever.

"Am I a burden?" Taeyong whispers and Mark has never heard Taeyong sound so broken. "What have I ever done to make you feel this way?" 

_Nothing_ , Mark wants to say but he cannot answer him. Can't even bring himself to look at Taeyong so he hangs his head low, guilt eating away at him, and sucks air into his burning lungs. This was never about Taeyong; Taeyong who is perfect in every single way, Taeyong who is selfless, Taeyong who loved him and put Mark's needs above his own.

This was always about Mark and his own selfish needs.

"I have always tried my best to keep you... _happy_ ," Taeyong sighs as he cups a hand against Mark's cheek, his eyes shining with unshed tears. He rubs his thumb gently under Mark's rapidly swelling eye, his expression filled with regret. "I am sorry I failed."

"No," Mark croaks out but it's too late. Taeyong drops his hand and Mark immediately misses the warmth of his touch. Craves it even.

Taeyong stands up and walks away without sparing Mark a second glance. He leaves him alone and broken, and Mark knows he wanted this – asked for it even – but somehow it all feels wrong. Hurting Taeyong feels so wrong and Mark hates himself for it. Having Taeyong walk away from him is not something Mark is used to. Not something he wants to get used to.

"He is free to leave," Taeyong calls out, his voice steady even if Mark can see the way his hands shake, curled into fists by his sides. "I do not wish to take him as my betrothed."

And there it is. Those were the exact words that Mark had hoped to hear, had been waiting to hear, but it still hurts. It hurts more than he's willing to admit.

Mark falls down to the dirt and curls himself into a ball. He sobs loudly, _defeated_.

He's finally free but that realisation doesn't bring him the satisfaction and relief he thought it would. He just feels empty – in every sense of the word. _Hollow_ , now that he knows he's lost the only person he's ever truly loved.

His entire body aches but everything pales in comparison to the pain of a broken heart. Mark has won, but in the aftermath of all that he's had to endure, this 𝘸𝘪𝘯 feels like a _loss_.

  
  


As he watches Taeyong walk away from him for good, leaving him behind in the dirt, Mark can't help but fear that he's made the single greatest mistake of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so for anybody unfamiliar with star trek lore, Vulcans have this thing where their families pick out partners for them when they're young and they're supposed to live out their lives with said partner. This bond cannot be broken unless the "groom" (in het couples) chooses not to accept his partner. Another way to break the bond is for the woman to claim _kal-if-fee_ ; a ritual where she picks a champion, usually a lover, to fight her betrothed on her behalf. If her champion wins she can go free. These fights are usually to the death. In markyong's case, Mark chose to fight for himself because he wanted to be free, not because he was in love with someone other than Taeyong. The rules however are still the same, which explains Taeyong beating the fuck out of Mark 😭🙏
> 
> Hope this fic makes sense now.
> 
> If you decided to read this, thank you. And uh, sorry for the long ass notes but violence should never be romanticized especially in relationships, that's why I felt the need to clear things up ❤️
> 
> [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/Yeollie_Mouse) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Minnie_Soo)


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